Personalize Best...................

.......Remember when the going's get tough, the tough go shopping.

There's a Levitz Furniture in Glendale, south of the train tracks that has been going out of business for some time now. Well now it's actually true. I went perusing the damage yesterday and found a table that had some battlescars but was an interesting shape, it was square. It was a dining room table with promise. I took a shine to it. And left. There's a theory my mom has that if you want something, walk away from it and come back later. If it was meant to be, it will be there. This is all to limit impulse buying. It almost works on me.

I went today and found "Bob" still there. He was dusty and moved. I was worried that he had been sold, for the amazing 80.00 that they wanted for him. Mercifully he was still there and so relieved to see me. He truly fills my dining area, with joy and substance. With that leaf in Bob, he may as well be a cockfighting platform. Hee Hee. Cockfighting. Bob is named Bob for the squarelikeshape he holds so well. Spongebob homage intended, his nom du garre also extends from my nephew M, who has a thousand Beenie Babies and ALL named Bob. I had to sleep with seven Bob's when I stayed in his room on my last visit. Took me back to the early nineties. Hee Hee. Meet Bob and get ready to get to know him, he's got lots to spare.

If at first..................

So the State has seen fit to have me retake my notary exam. I propose to redo it in March. Back into the freak hole. Oh well, I have no problem with this, I have all year to succeed. We're earning our stripes this year.

Kudos to Deenie-baby (yes, of THOSE Castleberrys) who passed the exam and made her lawyer employer uber happy. YAY Deenie, brunch is soooon.

I trust I'm going to have success this weekend for the next of the 12 Days, as Mr. K-Dog teaches me the fine art of Surfing. At least it doesn't involve a number 2 pencil.

Happy Valentine's Day.

It really is a fun name for a holiday. You have to warm up your lips before you say it's name. Precursor of sorts. We don't use V's nearly enough in today's naming of children and personal property. Of course by personal property I mean your cars, blenders, chairs, sex acts, drug usage and whatever catches your fancy that you have to personalize. I love this trait in people. I currently drive a truck named "Flash" and live an apartment called "Disneyland". If we can name it, we own it. If we can name it, it won't hurt us. If we name it, we are empowered. Maybe this is the secret to a successful Valentines, Secret Pet Names. Name it, Own it, Use it, it can only empower you.

Happy Holiday in this the year of our Lord and Saviour of Silly, TonySpats. 40 more reasons to love and 40's all around. (mine's Bud, please)

Look at this smug bastard;

Y'know this is where M*A*S*H was filmed?

J and I had a longstanding joke about every arid moutain range in CA. We joked that it was where they shot that comedy (I can't type it again, it's annoying with the asterixs). When I agreed to meet Big Momma for a hike, I just thought it would be for exercise, how was I to know that I would finally have had the joke pulled out from underneath me? Malibu Creek State Park IS where they shot some of the show, and even left set pieces as monuments. Funny.

The Happy Couple.

Did I mention they took dancing lessons for their special day?

This is pirated video from Dominique, I'm still trying to figure out how to retrieve mine.

Groundhogs, Mardis Gras, Ashes, Rats.

Just when the party begins, destiny turns the radio up. February is filled with joy. Imagine within three days:Groundhogs, Groundling and Grovelling.

Puxatony Phil has been coming out of his little groundhog condo for the last 115 years. This tradition, steeped in the hallows of leeches and farmer's almanacs, claims that if the rodent is scared by his shadow he'll retreat and there will be six more weeks of winter. In the same vein, if he's content to be out and about, with all these strange people in riding gear, that spring is just around the corner. I like the old school Groundhogs Day. You wake up, you screw up, you sleep up and then it's a brand new day. Who knew wit and wisdom could be so easily found with Bill Murray and Andie MacDonald? I also love that Groundhogs Day can be celebrated with Jimbo, Matty and Monica; three of my fave Groundhogs.

Beads for boobies, trinkets for testies, gotta love the day before Lent starts. Floats, Food and fun purmeate the streets of New Orleans as revellers reveal and relish the time together. This celebration of life embodies what New Orleans is to me, steadfast in the commitment to goodtimes. Live life for tommorrow we'll have to pray. I always think of my time with Sunil in the Temple Of The Unusual on Fat Tuesday. That little cajun restaurant, that little indian and I had some big fun. It was Fat Tuesday all year long.

Ash Wednesday is important but really, can't they go wash their faces? Denial is in order for the next forty days. I'm with them, I'm denying everything this year and hope not to be held accountable. Or held in accounting, God, that would kill me. Catholics everywhere we'll rejoice that St Patty's day won't be on a day of obligation, so they won't need special dispensation to eat meat on a holy day. Such ludicrous speed passes in a religion that................ I won't beat it up here. Not the right time.

Ah, yes, the Year Of The Rat. Chinese New Year has begun and all through LA the Chinese Population is gearing up. The Fire and Dragon Parade is set for the following weekend and I hope to get my monkey ass down there for it. Rat, not monkey. Hi, Nick!

Notary, Notary.

Well, I haven't filled in the bubbles in a long time, and by bubbles I don't mean Bubbles (more to come). Standardized tests, proctors, two to a desk, number two pencils and overhead projectors all brought me back to a time and a place I hadn't thought about since I last overdosed on rubber cement whippits.

I took the notary exam last thursday in Burbank. The purpose isn't for additional income, it's really all about the nomination. It's all about doing different things. I thing for the 12 Days Of 50 I'll get my lifeguard certification. Different is good. And let me tell you, there was a world of different in Burbank. The class was run by a man who has built this little enterprise of fly by nite classes and snake oil tents on the way out of town. You can be educated and all stocked up on crazy with your journals in hand, ready to practice law, in a mere eight hours. Granted when the State comes in to administer your exam, Professor Marvel and his lovely assistant are out the door and off to Happy Hour somewhere.

The feaks in the class were not to too shabby. A few talked to themselves, a few talked too much and a few didn't talk in english. It was a nice cross section. I did end up meeting Miss Deenie Castleberry (yes, of THOSE Castleberries) a charming young paralegal/actress with a yen for mischief. She's an uppity young thing, uppwardly mobile yet downardly spiralable. She's also a 17ther with her bday being January 17. Her home phone is.................kidding, kidding. We only started the giggling towards the end of the class, or we would have been removed for sure. The rowdy girls always seem to find each other. We hit it off and await our results patiently. By snail mail in two weeks or so, electronically we should see something this week. I'll let you know.

As the year rolls by, it's tough to plan in real time. My Sebbeth this month was slightly postponed for the next available test date with Professor Marvel. So check back here often. There is so much fun to be had. Watch this space for the legitimization of Tony and Deenie.