Dave and Liz.

If you haven't already heard the story of the Dave and Liz, cop a squat, expel all old gas and say, 'cheese'.

Dave and Liz approached me to officiate their June wedding. They had been referred by Meredith the Catering Director and local blogger up at the Malibou Lake Club. We met and were instantly charmed by one another. Liz was simply dressed and elegant in her beauty, Dave was well spoken indie kind of guy. Liz then proceeded to grill me on what was going to happen, how the ceremony would evolve, is there a back-up plan, how long had I been doing this, what special things we could do to involve the families, would it still be personal to them. She worked me pretty good this tiny little angel with the enormous "Big Book of Brides"; some sort of tome to tame time. She finally got to her bullet points, which I handled well and thought at this point we'd covered all the bases. We'd discussed tone, length, humor and heritage (Dave's Scottish) and got a good temp on the ceremony. The bride closes her book, piles her papers together, and slides the mass to the side. She folds her hands in front of her and looks me squarely and says:

Liz: I've saved this for last because this is the most important thing we want to ask you.

Tony: (Gulps) Sure, go ahead.

Liz: Since we'll be uniting with Dave's Family's Clan tartan...............Will you wear the kilt?

Tony: (Jaw on table, quickly tries to recover cool) Ummm........Sure?!

Liz: Ha Ha!! Fooled ya!

Dave: (High fives Liz) Good one hun, I didn't see that one coming.

She played me. She played me like she owned me. Well she kind of does now. She had me good.

Mind you during the interview we were trying to be cool as these sparrows were dive bombing us. One had a lock of Liz hair and another nearly blinded me. The day of their wedding Nature let us know that they were a part of this day too. Bees were swarming us during the vows. I told the happy couple to play it safe on their anniversaries lest the frogs fall from the sky like in Magnolia. It was a day.

I have two cute photos of them here. One sweet kissing, the other is what I call The Money Shot. It's one only the minister can take, and only for the couples with a sense of humor.

Banner News.

Gilbert Baker will be the Grand Marshall at this year's 38th annual NYC Pride Parade. Whom may you ask is Gilbert Baker? Why only the Gay Community's Betsy Ross. 30 years ago Mr Baker brought about an eight striped flag to show solidarity and acceptance of the diversity in the LGBT Community. The flag was simplified to six stripes some years later.

As one who has worn it as a tshirt, bumper sticker, umbrella, lapel pin, bathing suit, cummerbund/ascot, and cape I can't even tell you how proud it makes me to see our banner waving and feel the sense that we're one big family in the community. Thanks Mr Baker, and Happy Pride!!!!!

Apropos.

And funny considering the state of the nation.

Rabbit, rabbit.

If you don't know yet, I'm in the caribbean at Darren's wedding. I'm in Anguilla and I keep saying it wrong. An GWILL uh. I'm attending my first Destination Wedding. A DW is one of the most demanding favors to ask of your friends and family. "Hi, will you please go in to debt so that we may be cherished and adored in some exotic localle. PS we'll be expecting a little something from Crate and Barrell, tambien." "Mahalo, Bro." The DW was created by a vengeful event coordinator who was jilted at the altar. Only such a shrew would conceive of moving your loved ones to another part of the world, one that they more than likely will never return to, so that your vows may be exchanged. I want to see an episode of extreme weddings. I'm thinking paintball or landmines or something like that. I'm pulling your tin cans, this was an incredible event. I wouldn't have done anything differently.

The trip down was almost twelve hours. I was drugged and drooling but on the right side of the gate. The night before I left I couldn't sleep I was soo excited, so it made sense that I slept the way here. As you can see the view from my beach chair is pretty rad. I'll publish all the photos proper when I get back state side. That's fun to say. State side. The wedding has been an amazing event with more laughs than a convent with waxed floors. You heard me. They made incredible couple in a ceremony so special words barely describe. The church was open air kind of, cinder blocks and chicken wire made for a breezy easy feasty. The wedding began with our eyes straining to the doorway, waiting for the bride. A small child in pink dress, I think the church coordinator's daughter was lolly gagging there, unknowing. From outside the church Mom's massive arm pounced and yanked the daughter onto the sidelines out of the frame and almost out of the little girls sandles. Comedy and big laughs ensued. And hey, Zoe! You know how our laughs can be the cause of spectacle? Well, catch this one sister. During the ceremony the priest was about to bestow the church's blessing on the newly annointed couple when at the moment he was pronnouncing it a semi went by and blew it's horn. The timing impecible, I launched a big, "Huh, hah hah hah," of large decibles. It was chaos as the church rocked with laughter in response to it all. You above all will appreciate that.

I've known Darren for years now, but the wife and I have existed in the shadows to each other. I guess in my illustrious past, I'd met his wife, but don't recall. She's freaking beautiful and funny to boot. I shit you not. Seacrest (Darren) is a sardonic little bastard, with charm and looks to raise the dead. He was metro before Beckham, and in his own mind, a gay icon. How he got so lucky is beyond me. They light up each other's eyes and you really can't ask for much more. The celebration continued through the night at the Cuisinart Resort. Great food, good times and lot's of dancing. Innevitably the groom was thrown in the pool, clutching his cuban cigar. You know the drill, go big or go home. Actually we're doing it both. I can't wait to see my Amex bill. In the pix you'll see me with Amber , a groomsman's wife, and dancing with my new bff Chad and lady friend. Sandee. Congrats Seacrest and AM, If this is the launch, the flight will be tremendous.

Here's the complete gallery.

Darren's Wedding.

The second coming of Ryan Seacrest ties the noose/knot this weekend in Anguilla, BWI. I had to google it before I even rsvp'd. So y'all are going to be on your own for sundays 'Rabbit Rabbit' remember to say it and play it loud. We all can use the luck.

Memorial Day.

Memorial Day, the beginning of the Harvest. One might think that this occurs in the fall but if you're a waitron/server in the industry you understand the importance of the ten weeks between June and August. The harvest is actually the summer where you suffer worse than the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. You smile sweetly and track how low the dollar will go as the foreign clientelle continues to darken your doorstep. You witness human behaviors that would shock the monkeyhouse at the zoo. You rationalize post office episodes. You plan escapes and assassinations. Horrors will occur, nightmares will ensue but we put our heads down and work our tails off. There will be rest in September, and maybe even holidays in November but for now it's time to catch the olives falling from shaking trees. It's harvest time.

Happy Memorial to everyone who has kept our country safe over the years, and to all who have made the ultimate sacrifice. We get to do what we do because of you. I hope your day finds you a nice cold whatever and the love and respect you are due.

80 to 1.

Not odds, not odd at all. The Celebration Superhighway has more juice to go this weekend; The Landlady's 8oth birthday and three nephews' 1st birthdays! I'll elaborate............


My new building of one year is owned by a character. A woman of eighty, she's the sibling to eight. She's married four times, as they keep dying "underneath her" she tells me, she runs a tight ship. At her directives, and the support of backstage cast of patient patients, she's created an serene, homelike environment. The building is amazing with it's topiary, bubbling fountain, matching everything, plants, lazy sleeping cat. It has a pool and very clean garage, too clean sometimes for my dirty truck (sorry, between paying for a car wash and a full tank of gas...) The building has a sense of Barbary Lane, with a little Melrose Place, and of course The Golden Girls. The sense of community is enormous, and so's the sense of pride. It's very family like and private when it needs to be. Tempers flare occasionally but inevitably resolve. This is my new home. The Landlady makes for good stories. She interviewed me on many levels when I first came a calling. Financially, personally, socially, she wanted to make sure I'd fit. I passed. I knew I was being tested and it was at a time I was not wanting to be, but went with my gut. "I'm going to live in that place with the animal/shrubs." "Let's see what this woman is all about," I'd think to myself. I got my keys and entered into my new life. I owe Ginnie the price of admission, but I'd like to think I've provided a couple of great new attractions in this amusement park. Here are some pix of her party.


My nephew (blood) Colin was born on the eighteenth of last year. May was a very tumultuous month last year. My best friend out here got engaged, my sister gave birth and I ended a ten year relationship that had been my base. Everything hit the fan, and settles as we speak. My sister had tried hard to have a third child in her family and was rewarded with the most beautiful boy in the world. I mean it and have the photos to prove it. Hard work is soooo paid off. I believe this. The side joke in the Family, as there always is one, was whoever was able to guess the date of the birth of the expectant prince would get the 'pot'. Cash was irrelevant at this time in my life, I had just dropped a ton of coin to rebuild my life, I wanted legacy; let the prize be the name. She had decided that the middle name would be Adam, after our grandfather and the first was undecided. I begged her to let me name him Sam. As his full initials would spell out his first name i.e. S.A.M., I thought that would be FIERCE. She would have nothing of this plan, thinking that it would be appalling to name her child Sam Adam(s). She wouldn't have her prince the but of beer jokes. Maybe she couldn't own up to the fact the baby was born under a veil of beer why not document it? Either way, I didn't get the name or the cash. My family.............anyway, Colin is One and beautiful.

My other nephews(non blood) were born on the 27th. Let me explain. I started my life on the west coast (is it one word yet?) in 2001 with a series of small jobs. As the dust settled I searched for a job that I vowed would be "The Last Restaurant I Would Ever Work In Before I Was Successful In The Industry". That's a mouthful, I know. But I meant it. I was determined that I would cultivate a healthy relationship with a restaurant that would negate all the bad ones' prior. I would lay down the law, the sword and the bullshit; all intermittently. I met Robin Hood at this time. You can track him down on my other blog for some history. But Rob and I had each other's backs at 'hello'. It's amazing what the east coast breeds. Oh, now I remember, class. Rob and his lady Kris asked me to marry them, and we did. A most beautiful day. And then we watched their lives grow towards kids. And it did. They had a hell of time getting there, but they did (side note, I was living with them, sitting in our living room at the time, when they got the word from fertility Doctor Hatch-no lie-that they were pg). The pregnancy was met with adversity and lots of prayer. Lots of soup and lots of love went into this birth, it took a village this time around. When I held these two little preemies in my hand I couldn't believe how small Life could be, and how big at the same moment. My friends, the parents, were beyond exhausted at this point, but had achieved the most incredible goal I've yet to witness firsthand. These babies were slightly bigger than corn cobs when we met. Today I got to see them with fifty two weeks under there soon to be Prada belts. Amazing. The only atrocity involved was how I had to see them. Goofy's Kitchen. I can't say any more as it was tough. The lengths we go to for friends.

There's many things to celebrate every month just heading towards December, I feel like we're just filling in the spaces of some karmic bingo card. I will cover all the spaces, I don't even need to win, as long as I'm in the running.


PS My family could send more pictures. I wouldn't mind it.